jacob did not message all week. but i was very busy with work and had to be out of town for most of the time and i did have fun with V and the project and all that. and while at the back of my head i kept noting each day of silence from jacob i was also making myself not care too much. i was reading Howl's Moving Castle and was falling in love with Howl so it balanced things out.
but wednesday i got a surprise and it made my heart flip and then flop and then forget to beat for a couple of seconds and then started beating again awkwardly like it was only beginning to learn how. quite inconvenient and uncomfortable especially when it happens in the middle of fieldwork, while i was delicately probing into the hard daily life of a mom living way below the poverty line and lamenting about her philandering husband.
edward messaged out of the blue. wishing me good luck on what he thought was a big presentation i had to do out of town. i was surprised (and superbly distracted) because, obviously, totally unexpected. i mean, why? why bother? why do it? especially after that HJNTIY movie with all its feeding of hints and cues on how modern fairy tales happen. i would, and i did, assume he would never do anything that might be construed as a "making it happen" kind of thing. i mean, even as friends he doesn't do this kind of thing. why? why? why? gggrrrrrrr.
and worse, when i responded he responded back, all friendly and nice and not being his usual abrupt functional rational self.
the whole point is, the whole thing was not "usual". why remember me and my presentation in the middle of the week? why bother?
and it doesn't help that jacob has been absent.
and it doesn't help that edward seems to always try to tease me about jacob as if trying to fish and push at the same time.
can i just find a moving castle and my own Howl? this twilight story is getting to be exhausting.
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