numb

i have a presentation on monday afternoon and i have not touched the slides yet. i have not started on a single finding.

i fell asleep last night, driven by sheer exhaustion, intending only to take a quick nap. instead i got drawn into a deep dream where i was walking with a centaur.

i'm up now and strangely i could not feel the panic i should be feeling. now i definitely cannot sleep until i have finished the report.

jacob has been bringing me food to sustain me through the long nights.

i'm so tired i just want to lie in bed and not move for a while.

crammy weekend

all plans have gone awry. i sorely need a rest.

went home a bit early last friday planning to work in peace. i ended up napping in exhaustion and my brain won't budge. then jacob dropped by and there was no question about it, jacob always wins over work so i totally abandoned all ideas of slaving away for the rest of friday night.

saturday was practice day and i was feeling very low on energy. but i practiced anyway and but my play was not as what i would have liked. half of me was just longing to stretch and sleep and the other half trying to make the most of practice. my mind was practically dragging my body through the motions.

then the plan was to have a quick dinner and then go home so i can go to the supermarket and then do some work. but the group was reluctant to break up after dinner and so we ended up going home at past midnight. it was so late that jacob and i got hungry again and we ended up buying mcdonald's and had midnight snack while watching a movie at home. so we ended up really late.

and now i was supposed to have started working early so i can have the rest of the day resting. instead i just got up. will need to clean my place because i didn't get to do it yesterday. take my folks out to lunch because i've been craving for a certain taste in my tongue and i haven't been satisfied with any of the meals i've been having these past couple of weeks or so (since i stopped cooking for a while because i've been tired from all the work) and it was my dad's birthday last week and my mom's birthday last month and i have never really gotten around to spending time with them for that. so i'm taking everyone to a buffet lunch at brazil!brazil! so i can have the roast beef. then i will finally get to meet up with avalon my dear friend and bookseller. after that probably a quick scan for new movies and then i really need to go to the supermarket and then i can try to do some work.

god, i'm still sleepy and i want a massage.

instincts say

work from home today.

so i am.

hopefully this means i could check off a chunk from my to-do list.

watery wednesday

the rains never let up. it was wet and gray all day.

i had to step out at lunchtime to buy contact lenses. i had to dispose the one in my right eye because it was irritating like hell... luckily i found acuvue and got two boxes and got my vision back.

i got sidetracked by the bookstore sale though. and ended up buying three books. it's dangerous for me to be near a store when i am so stressed at work.

had curry karaage for lunch and i tried chawan mushi.

i had two new projects come in today. and then three friends needed some emotional support (those were three separate occasions so i squeezed each one into my schedule while cramming on my deadlines). so i was superwoman and superfriend.

and now i suddenly miss jacob badly.

i escaped from the laptop today

i left all my workstuff at the office, including my laptop. so now i can only do non-work stuff. which is good. i left the office at 9pm. now i'm having coffee after a hot bath.

tomorrow will be another busy day. i have a "chat" with my boss and i'm a bit worried on what it could be about. i have to fix my work calendars and i badly need to get started on that project analysis.

got to talk to V on the phone tonight. i needed to check on a work item we did not expect to resurface while she's out on vacation. she sounded so happy.

i want to shop. and i want to hug jacob. and i want to watch movies while tucked in bed.

a very long day

it's almost five but i won't be stopping work until about four hours from now.

i just came from two client meetings that got me so hungry because they used up all my stored energy for brain work. in the span of two hours i got two projects that demand implementation before the year ends.

and jacob the sneaky sneaky creature that he is just messaged me that he has discovered this blog! *shock*

and so i've been reading back my older posts to see if i wrote anything he could use to torment me.

i'm now craving for some freshly brewed coffee. maybe i should bring my coffee press to the office and some beans. it looks like i will be doing a lot of overtime for the next few weeks or so.

unexpectedly free monday

i filed for a recovery leave today. and then late last week it was announced that today has been made a holiday. so i have to cancel that leave and savor this free day. and at the same time it has made it easier for me to just totally abandon work instead of feeling slightly guilty for taking a leave.

i had a sweet time at V's wedding. jacob was simply wonderful.

yesterday was lazy day. we slept in until noon. i cleaned up a bit then we brought mogget to the vet. we had him take a bath and full grooming while we ate a very late lunch at 4pm. a quick peek at the latest dvds on sale. i got the 6th ova movie of Hellsing. then home and back to lazing around on the net. then stepped out for a quick trip to the convenience store for some water, bread and ice cream. we watched the first half of Seven Swords. then i cooked up some pasta and egg salad sandwich. a very late dinner at almost 11pm. then finished the second half of the movie. jacob went home at around 2am. we practically spent two whole days together and i'm still feeling those little bursts of delight and joy about being with him. it seems i never get tired of having him around even if he does disastrously distract me from other stuff i want to do like quietly reading in a corner (because i will always just have to pause every half hour or so and give him a hug).

today i will clean up and plan menus and probably go to the supermarket later. i wish i have the whole week off. it's so frustrating to start on home projects now and then shelve it until the next free day. *sigh*

got to go now. it's noon!

two weddings, two wins, three fish

last week i received V's wedding invitation. a couple of weeks before that i also got informed that i would be playing a role in the wedding. L and i are going to be the gate-openers to the church. V has been cramming since her wedding will be on saturday. i got the confirmation that she has seriously really included jacob in the invite last friday. so with little hope and expectation i told jacob about it and was surprised off my socks when he said he'd go. it will be on a saturday so he will be missing practice as well as i.

last night we had dinner with shunsui and nanao-chan, and they gave out their wedding invites. but unlike V, nanao-chan has been well-prepared and has been calmly executing her wedding plans. the wedding date won't be until december. jacob and i will be sponsors.

two wedding invites, and with roles! first time ever, in my whole life. seriously. either my friends are just really getting married late or i finally allowed myself to get close enough to be invited to have a role in the ceremony. most of the time i don't even make it to the guest list unless it's an obligatory invite (like i'm family or because i'm one of the bosses). anyway, it looks like i've become more than a shadow and a spectator. i believe it's all good.

meanwhile, i've won in the last two matches in my saturday practice. all the time i have dreaded and imagined how it would go. and every time i surprise myself when i hear the point called out. i have actually been told by our class's sensei that i would be recommended to take the first level exam in hongkong next year. that was a bit of a shock because i have always assumed i'd need two more years. well, it's a recommendation not yet an actual order or something. maybe there's still a chance to wiggle out of it and get to practice a bit more.

plans for the new business are going well. we're signing registration stuff in late september or early october, avoiding the mercury retrograde to be on the safe side. i have come up with more name options all including "fish". V, L and i are excited and we are all at the end of our ropes with our current work setup. we are eager to begin our new lives, literally eager to Have Lives. as such i have calmed myself sufficiently to just do what needs to be done especially in the training and re-training part. certainly i no longer wish nor intend to invest too much time and effort in training the juniors. it's either they find their groove in the next four months or not. beyond that i am washing my hands off them.