drinking, driving and trading off a raffle win for love

i had the best ever christmas party last night. for the first time in my whole office party history i had a super great time. i was with friends i love, people who truly cared a damn about me, people i truly enjoy being with. the venue was perfect. the food was delicious and the desserts were heavenly. at least 1.5million worth of cash prizes were given away.

there was an open bar lined up with beautiful coloful drinks in shot glasses. and i found myself downing tequila rose scrambles --- with no allergic reactions. i think i downed at least seven shots of different lovely-looking drinks that tasted as marvelous as they looked. i may have gotten a bit more smiley and talkative but no allergic hyperventilation or rashes. my cheeks were flushed and warm but that was about it. no tipsiness. i was able to drive home safely.

i won about seven thousand for my team at the slot machines. i think i got one of the biggest cash outs and i got it so early in the gaming hour. i felt a current of almost electricity run through my body as i watched the winnings going up on the digital screen. without hesitation i traded off all that money luck for something else. i had the sense i would win in the raffles, and most likely one of the bigger cash prizes. but i traded that luck off too. i want something else.

of course, more accurately, i want someone. and something from that someone.

i didn't win the raffle, i just got the default cash prize for non-raffle winners (5000).

i messaged jacob telling him i must be rather immune to tequila. after indulging in our usual banter he told me to drive home safely and to message him when i got home.

christmas party music was by a band hired by the party committee and they played songs from my jacob playlist as if on a cosmic joke.

i received tons of gifts. and i kissed and hugged so many people and i even kissed and hugged all my bosses.

an ex-crush of mine popped up in the party (he used to be an ex-officemate) and i got to hug and kiss him too.

there was so much love and happy energies. moments that remind me how blessed i am in countless ways.

i promise to be the most deserving person of so much blessings, including finally entrusting my heart with the love of the rest of my life.

thank you, Universe. thank you, gods.