agonizing

i really have to work something out to manage this horrible stressful pre-practice symptoms.

i get so stressed i actually throw up. and it's worse than any pre-presentation jitters i may have experienced, ever.

and to think i didn't even really have to do this. so it's like i am willfully subjecting myself to all this mental and emotional distress. and sometimes i'm not even sure why i feel like i need to do this, only that i do.

i am looking forward to the day when i won't have to go through this every time it's practice.