those kinds of dreams again

i dreamt that:

i had to travel with jacob because of his work or something. because he didn't want being away from me, and everytime he would have time, he would come to me and hug and hold me, as if making sure i was still there.

throughout the dream it was just a series of different places and it would be the same.

i kept on waking up during the night (mainly because of the summer heat and partly because i overslept during the day) but everytime i fell back into the sleep the dream just continued with various variations of the same theme.

anyway.

i haven't made up my mind whether to practice today or not. well, i have sort of made up my mind not to. especially last night in the middle of watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona and i was just dying for that long wavy hair cascading over the shoulder. and i wanted a new wardrobe. (for the first time i actually liked penelope cruz - she's a much better actress in spanish and non-hollywood type of movies. scarlett, on the other hand, seems to be beginning to be stereotyped, since i find her character in this movie quite similar to her character in HJNTIY. scarlett seems to always play the role that never quite gets the happy ending. interesting.)

i'm having cramps today and i wish the period would just come.

i would have most likely decided to go to practice today if it wasn't the month-end tournament day. i don't feel ready for the tournament, and i know that i will be made to participate if i was there. i also know i could say i didn't want to but i also didn't want to appear weak by openly refusing to fight. dilemma, huh? i do have issues about being superwoman. i may say i'm tired of it but it still rules me. because i cannot seem to make myself not be a superwoman. and in my practice, i am definitely not in that stage of being particularly noted for my skills and... it galls me a bit. of course i could always put in a daily practice but then... but then.... hmmm.... i think i should. a bit more whipping discipline. treat this thing like a love story. that could be the trick...